The Day I Broke Up with Spanx
When trying on dresses for my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah, the employee who was helping me reminded me in no uncertain terms that I must wear Spanx. It was simply not an option. Feeling out of place in the world of fashion, I nodded my head blindly. “Whatever you say” was what it implied. I guess that is what women do, we wear Spanx when we dress up. It sounded uncomfortable, but who am I to judge?
Sadly, the only negative of the night of my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah was the damn Spanx. When I sat down, my dress slipped up so you could see the bottom of the spanx undergarment. I became insanely self conscious about this--so sitting lost its enjoyment. Then when I went to the ladies room and tried to get in and out lickety split, I had to take my time to deal with this additional, annoying, suctioned layer of clothing. I had to miss more of the party to deal with dressing myself. Finally, by the end of the night, the Spanx somehow rolled over and it looked like a mini inner-tube around my waist. So now I didn't even feel at ease on the dance floor. What a mess. Something that was supposed to make me feel more comfortable in my body, was proving to be quite a sham. A few days later when the pictures came, I noticed I was squeezed in in all the “right” places, but was it worth it?
Two and a half years later, I was thinking about my dress for my son’s Bar Mitzvah. I heard the voice of the lady in the store in my head “you must wear Spanx” and I somehow deep inside me decided that just wasn't going to work this time. This time I would go Spanx-less. I decided literally and figuratively I was not going to suck myself in for the sake of pictures or for other people to find me attractive. I ended up buying my dress online --so I didn't have to listen to anyone but myself when purchasing the dress. And I had a fabulous time at the Bar Mitzvah. My dress felt like pajamas. Turns out Comfort is my love language.
When the pictures came, I was a little disappointed. The dress did not squeeze in all the right places. I momentarily regretted my decision. But in hindsight, I remember the joy of the night much more than I remember the momentary disappointment of the photos (which by the way I LOVE four years later).
My hope is that other women like me who hate the feeling of being sucked in, can say no to Spanx and feel comfortable in your body no matter how it is shaped. Forcing ourselves to look a certain way at the expense of our experience of the event is not worth it. The next time you feel you “have to'' do something to look a certain way even though it doesn’t sit well with you, take a moment to think about why. Who is telling you to do it this way? Does this make sense to you? Can you make a different choice that honors your values and preferences? Saying no to Spanx has been a small radical step on my journey to making intentional choices rather than relying on the status quo. You can do it too.
