Know Yourself and Cope
I met my friend for lunch in NYC last week. I took the train in to Penn Station and then took the subway to 72nd street. My friend and I had a wonderful lunch and then I met my daughter for a quick cup of tea before heading back. I took a subway I am not that familiar with to Penn Station. When I got out of the subway, I was all turned around and ended up heading East instead of West (I never should trust my first instincts when it comes to directions). I was already running a little behind schedule and when I saw that I was heading to Fifth Ave instead of Seventh Ave, I was pretty sure I was going to miss the train. I kept going at a fast pace just in case. When I arrived at Penn Station I was “on time” but the train was already off the departures board. I missed the train. I felt angry and sad and frustrated and hopeless. I know this sounds dramatic, but it’s the truth.
For me, missing a train can mean a lot of terrible things. It could mean I will be late to an interview, that my kids’ babysitter needs me home, that if I was trying to flee the pogroms of Russia I may not make it out alive. I know this sounds ridiculous. I was not fleeing pogroms, I did not have a job interview and my kids are 20 and 22 and no longer need a babysitter. But these “possibilities” exist in my body. I don’t know any other way to explain it. Missing my train by 30 seconds reminds me how easy it is for things to go wrong.
As my cousin once said to me years ago, “know yourself and cope”. I know that my body feels things like this in certain situations. I consider horrible possibilities that don’t make any sense. So how did I cope?
In the end, I coped. I wouldn’t give myself an A+, but I wouldn’t give myself an F either. Basically, I had a small temper tantrum at Penn Station. Don’t worry my temper tantrum was only in my brain, no one saw anything (although I am not sure anyone would have noticed and I would definitely not be the first). I reminded myself over and over (and over) again that I am not fleeing a Russian pogrom. In fact, I had nothing going on when I got home. Being late had absolutely no ramifications for me—except having to hang out in dirty, smelly Penn Station for an extra 40 minutes. Somehow I was able to get myself to calm down and then the next train arrived and I was on my way home. Understanding myself did allow me to give myself a little more compassion. Yes, I only missed a train, but I understand why it felt like much more. And with that understanding, I was better able to cope.
Do you sometimes have seemingly irrational reactions to situations? Have you ever explored why that may happen? How do you cope in those situations?
Photo by Karol Smoczynski on Unsplash
