Goldilocks

My husband and I joined my daughter as she tried out mattresses for a new bed for her NYC apartment. It was hilarious watching her lie down on each mattress and assess its comfort. One was too hard, one was too soft. I teased her that she reminded me of Goldilocks minus the breaking and entering part of the story. 

But life is like Goldilocks all the time. We are always assessing our “just right” and the better we are at figuring that out, the more we can live an authentic life. 

Who is our “just right” partner, our “just right” career, our “just right” doctor, therapist, babysitter, etc. We are making decisions all the time.

As a coach, I realize self-awareness is the first step in figuring out what is “just right” for us. When speaking with a client who has worked her whole life and was finally retiring, the idea of a “just right” hobby evaded her. She had neglected that side of herself for so long she could no longer connect with it. In order to figure out your “just right”, you need to know yourself first. 

I grew up in the 80s and 90s where cool girls were low maintenance. And as a middle child, I learned how to be flexible. I remember watching my friends know exactly what they wanted and I just wasn’t that in tune with my preferences. How did they know what to pack, what they wanted for lunch, what activities they wanted to do? I was so busy going with the flow that I lost touch with what I actually wanted. 

I have since been working to build that back, to the point where I am high maintenance in some areas. Everyone around me is scared to put milk in my coffee because I have a very, very, very specific amount I like. Being low maintenance is definitely easier in some ways and my flexibility has served me well. But now I am enjoying knowing my likes and dislikes. Figuring out my “just right” in life is helping me navigate my empty nest, manage my career, and build relationships.

I realize my low maintenance personality was a coping mechanism. If I was easy, people would like me. I wouldn’t rock the boat. I was a people pleaser. In the end, I was not benefiting from this approach to life. My job isn't to make everyone else’s life easier. My job is to look out for myself too. Hopefully my kids are able to look out for themselves and make “just right” decisions as they journey into young adulthood. Starting with picking out my daughter’s “just right” mattress. Goldilocks had some things figured out.