Sabotage
One of my favorite aspects of being a coach is watching someone get excited about a new goal they have chosen. The process of defining the goal and figuring out how to move forward is fun and rewarding. Whenever this happens I need to have my sabotage radar activated. Deciding to focus on an important goal or activity is exciting but it can also be scary. The goal can feel intimidating, you could be afraid of the commitment or you could be nervous about what success might mean to you. My job is to help you see when you are sabotaging your success, and this often looks like identifying an alternate (more doable) goal relatively soon after you chose your original goal.
Walking out of a very successful goal focusing session one day, I had a client mention casually that she was going to try this very restrictive and time-consuming diet. “No” I said. “You cannot focus on this new goal you have just decided to focus on AND focus on a new restrictive diet, you must choose”. It seemed so harmless, but it wasn’t. It was sabotage. Working towards a big goal can be all-consuming. Life is distracting enough. My client didn’t know it, but she was undermining the very difficult and scary decision to pursue an important career goal. Starting a new diet seemed less scary. So even though she planned to do the two simultaneously, she was really just getting in her own way.
Another client and I spent a session working on identifying her next steps to start her own dream company. Towards the end of the session she mentioned that her family were thinking about getting a new puppy. “No” I said, “You cannot get a new puppy and pursue this new company”. It is one or the other.
I am not saying you cannot multitask, but notice when these choices are truly optional and that the choices are identified or pursued shortly after you make a BIG decision to move forward on a scary and exciting goal. If you have the choice, then choose to FOCUS.
Unfortunately, people’s subconscious can get in the way and it is much tougher to say no to these distractions. Your body decides to start having migraines again just as you get ready to put in the work. Your back goes out. Your stomach becomes uncooperative. Your body can be sneaky by getting in the way in a way that is hard to work around. Acknowledging the sinister workings of your mind and body is a good place to start, maybe even finding some humor in it. But then you have to challenge it. Find ways to calm your body and your mind down. Try to all get on the same page.
Lord knows I get in my own way 100 times a day. Just trying to write this blog I decided it was a good idea to check the news (really?), look at Facebook (could I be more insane?) and text a few friends. Of course I know this is my subconscious method of getting in my own way; a way to stall and not have to work. But we do it anyway because we are human.
So, take note the next time you make a big, exciting decision. What CHOICES are you making? Is now the right time to redecorate your house, run a marathon, learn how to code or binge-watch a netflix show? If these choices are not related to your big, scary, exciting goal, then they are just getting in your way. They are making you think you are achieving A goal, just not THE goal. And if your back goes out as soon as you get close to meeting your goal, I am sending you love, light and strength to negotiate with your mind/body that the goal is not that scary and that you can do it!
So put away Facebook, shut down your texts, cancel the meeting with the realtor and get to work. Don’t fall prey to your own internal sabotage.
