Spaciousness

A life skill I am developing and encouraging my clients to develop is spaciousness. Allowing for space sounds easier than it is. Many of us actually try to fill space rather than sit in the discomfort of emptiness and allow ourselves “down” time or time to be bored or time to think. But it is essential for our mental and physical health. Here are some ways I have added space into my life:

Space in my relationships:

I have worked to allow myself space when helping friends or a client with an issue. I am giving people who seek out my advice more space to find their own solution. I am trying to listen more before jumping in to save the day. I realize much of my jumping in is a result of my own anxiety. My discomfort in sitting in the unknown. My resistance to letting people sit in their own discomfort. Giving people and myself the space to figure things out without urgency is powerful.

Space in my time:

Years ago I made a rule to leave 15 minutes before I actually had to leave. This allowed space for unexpected delays. I inevitably forget something when I get in the car and need to run back to the house, there is always traffic or construction or missing a turn in an unfamiliar route. I think I have gained years of my life with this one change. There is SO much stress on the body with rushing and I cannot imagine how many accidents are avoided if we have time to get to where we want to go.

Space in my schedule:

When I look at my calendar, I like to see lots of space. Space between clients, space between appointments, space for lunch. This space is so helpful for my transitions between activities. Space to regulate between clients. Space to stretch, move, check in with myself. When I don’t overschedule, I allow myself more time to feel resourced which is a powerful thing.

Space in my travel plans:

I have been planning a special trip to Hawaii with my family. I was listening to a podcast episode of How to Build a Happy Life called Subtraction as a Solution where they interview Professor Leidy Klotz a behavioral scientist. At one point in the podcast he talks about using the rule of quarters, where you fill up a quarter of your time to allow for space to see what happens. He talks about the benefits of allowing for space in your vacation plans and how it can be liberating to schedule less during your vacation. He talks about how under-scheduling can allow for spontaneity, rest and casual connection with your fellow travelers. This can be hard to implement because we are often sold the opposite, but I’m looking forward to a spacious vacation to Hawaii in a few weeks.

Space in my body:

Over the last year and a half I have been working with an amazing trainer (Michael Romano of Longevity Personal Fitness). My body is tight and it has made me prone to injury for many years. At the start of each session, he focuses on creating space within my body so I can avoid strain and injury. Creating space is not exciting or glamorous work, but I feel a difference in my everyday life. I experience more ease of movement and less pain. Creating space takes patience and does not come with applause, but I have found it to be essential work that will allow me to sustain my ability to move in ways that are important to me in my daily life.

Space before reacting:

I am working on allowing for a pause before reacting. Space to respond to texts and emails less urgently. Allowing for more space between when I am triggered and how I react. More space to let ideas evolve and grow organically rather than force solutions. A pause can provide the time needed to see nuance in a situation, go beyond my first impulse and appreciate the complexity of a situation or interaction.

The space we are given in life is finite and a gift. Creating space is counter-culture. You will have to resist the pressure to go go go every second - to be busy - to produce. But ultimately, space is what allows us to do our best work and live our best life. 

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Photo by Benjamin Voros on Unsplash