Scared of My Own Shadow: The Beauty of Checking In
I was walking my dog this morning and practically jumped out of my skin when I saw something moving. Turns out the thing that was moving was me, or more accurately, my shadow. I chuckled for a moment as I thought of the phrase “scared of your own shadow”. I have long had anxiety, so jumping at my shadow should not have shocked me, but it did feel a bit over the top, so I took a minute and asked why. Why was I so jumpy? Then I realized I had just finished two cups of coffee while reading obsessively about the war in Ukraine. I was jumpy because I was internalizing the dangers in the world and I was feeling them strongly. I was feeling vulnerable and reactive.
The fact of the matter is that I am not always scared of my shadow. The circumstances have to be just right (or, better said, just wrong). We all have times when we are more reactive, more fragile, less resilient. The key is to recognize these moments and give ourselves what we need rather than beating ourselves up.
I am in my second round of a program called Tend with the incomparable Mara Glatzel. Tend is a powerful 9- month course where we learn how to tend to ourselves. In one of the lessons, she asks us to think about where we are on a range between 0-10 in terms of our emotional stability? She asks us to figure out what our indicators are when we are in the low, medium or high range on our personal number line. This first step is awareness. Then we talk about what we can do to support ourselves within these ranges.
Jumping when I saw my shadow was a good indication I was on the higher end of my range. I was literally jumpy. I felt unsafe and on high alert. Why else would I think my shadow was dangerous? I knew I needed to do something to soothe myself. Something to make me less reactive. I decided I needed to take a break from the news and I already happened to have a massage scheduled so I was in good shape. Catching myself at such a high range of reactivity is less than ideal, but the goal is to be self-compassionate and proactively seeking a way to feel better.
How can we notice how we are feeling and take care of ourselves when we notice things getting tough? What are our “warning signs” (as Mara calls them). For me, I know I am getting into trouble when loud noises rattle me more than usual, when I get impatient and angry over inconveniences like traffic or someone bugging me. Here is a partial list of ways that I care for myself when these warning signs arise: reading fiction, taking baths (I have been known to take two in a day sometimes), going for walks, and texting a friend can all help me when I am moving up the number line. Drinking less caffeine, more water, taking a nap or doing gentle yoga also help me. Snuggling with my dog can be profoundly powerful as well.
What are your self care tricks?
How can you soothe yourself when things are getting to be too much?
How about when you are heading into the high end of your range?
One powerful lesson when we think about our range of reactivity is that the sooner you catch yourself moving up the ladder the better. It is much easier to soothe a 0-3 than a 7-10. The trick is to check in with yourself. In Mara’s program she sends us a check-in prompt every day via our private Facebook group. It is seriously magical. These prompts have allowed me to take a moment and breathe and focus on myself. I can think about where I am mentally and physically and what I need. Through the program we learn to check in with ourselves by asking “what do I need now?”. And then of course we need to follow through in the best way we can in that moment.
So while you may not find yourself scared of your own shadow, I’ll bet you have your own signs that things are not right. I recommend we all try to figure out what those red flags are, come up with ways to settle ourselves and then check in periodically to see where you are on your own personal scale. Let’s begin. What do you need now?
