The Junior Year Journey

Being a parent of a junior in high school is not easy. As we know life seems to move faster with each year. But when junior year comes along, life pushes the pedal to the metal. As someone who always drives the speed limit and avoids all fast amusement park rides like the plague, I am holding on for dear life. Talking about college, visiting colleges, prepping for ACT/SAT, prepping for the drivers test, AP classes and the overarching awareness that life as I have known it for 17 years is about to change is tough and I need to figure out how to handle it.

I am not someone who avoids change. I have enjoyed watching my kids get older. I love seeing their independence grow. I did not cry when my kids marched off to kindergarten. I was so very excited for them. I embraced their bat/bar mitzvah year with joy and excitement. Therefore, I am a bit thrown for a loop with how much this year is toying with my emotions.

All I can do is try to control what I can control. If life is moving too fast in one domain, I can try to slow down in others. If I am feeling extra vulnerable, then I need to create a life that helps me feel secure. What can I do to help myself survive and maybe even thrive during this time?

This is my plan I am putting into place and I hope it helps others think about how they can adapt when times are tough.

Wake up earlier

If life is going to fast, I need more time to gently enter my day. By waking up 15 minutes earlier, writing in my journal and connecting to myself, I am stronger and better able to deal with the tornado of my day.

Go to bed earlier

I am diligent about getting into bed as early as possible. I am trying to honor my sleep cycle and if I am getting up earlier I must go to bed earlier. If I am overtired, I do not have the strength to deal with the topsy turvy emotions I feel.

Honor my introversion

One of the indicators of being an introvert is that we can feel depleted by social interactions while social interactions energize extroverts. To protect my energy, I have to say no to invitations. I feel uncomfortable about this sometimes, but it is what I need to do to protect my already vulnerable foundation at this time.


Meditation teaches us how to notice what is going on without judgment. Having this more sophisticated awareness of my thoughts and emotions allows me to deal with them in a more reasonable way. I am learning to accept what I feel, challenge what is not true and treat myself more gently.

Spend time just the four of us

My sadness around our family changing is best addressed by appreciating what is here right now. We have prioritized being together as a family more than ever and my daughter, despite her busier schedule, has been game. Being together at a restaurant or watching sitcoms and movies or just laughing and teasing each other during car rides is grounding and seems to slow things down temporarily.

Imagine a fabulous future

Being around friends who have been through this is powerful. Reading blogs like Grown and Flown is life saving. Imagining our future with my husband can be exciting and freeing. Life will go on when my kids move on. I have a new business, a wonderful husband and the most amazing dog that is not going off to college luckily. I have friends and family and hobbies and goals and the next phase will be wonderful.

Adapting to change is a life skill that we must embrace since change is inevitable, but I can be kind to myself in the process.


Surviving a Tough Time With Your Adolescent

In all likelihood one or all of our kids will go through a tough time at some point during the adolescent years. They may have a hard adjustment to a new school, new teacher, a best friend may move on, a first love may break up or he or she may just feel unsettled. Hormones kick in and kids develop at very different rates, so puberty can be a time of much confusion and uncertainty. Parenting a child who is having a hard time can be a particularly lonely time even though we are in very good company. Privacy can feel paramount at this time due to your child’s preferences or your own feelings of embarrassment or insecurity. Below are things I have done personally to help myself and my child deal with a difficult time.

Find a cheerleader

Is there someone who thinks your kids are great no matter what? My mom serves this role for me. She reminds me of how awesome my kids are and having lived through it all before, she knows how short this window of time is in the scheme of things. A little perspective and unconditional love can go a long way.

What makes your child happy?

Now is the time to give your child a little extra TLC. Make sure you child has an opportunity to just be a kid. Does your child have a favorite restaurant, meal for dinner, can you watch a favorite movie as a family, bake together, play a family board game, go to skyzone and jump around? Get your kid away from social media and foster connection with people who accept them for who they are.

Get out of town

Sometimes you have to give your kid some real distance from the stress. Go visit his favorite cousin who lives in a different town, plan a quick getaway with the immediate family, or hang out with old friends who no longer live in town. Give your child an opportunity to disconnect from the challenges of every day life and refill his or her bucket. This builds resilience and coping skills.

Seek out grounded and sensitive friends

 This is not the time to talk to the exaggerators, over reactors or the completely clueless.  You need someone who will respond gently as you reveal this vulnerability. Find someone who won’t exacerbate the issue or ignore it. It is a really delicate balance, which is why it can be such a lonely time. This is an excellent time to rely on an already established relationship with a therapist or to start going to one.


Caring for an unhappy child can be emotionally draining. Be sure to fill your own bucket by taking some time to restore. What energizes you? Do you need time to sit and read, exercise, talk to a best friend, go for a walk, get a massage? Do what you need so you can be extra sensitive and patient for your child. And know in your heart that this too shall pass.

Follow to the Experts

I recommend any of the books below:

Wendy Mogel: Blessing of the B- and Blessing of the Skinned Knee

Julie Lythcott-Haims: How to Raise an Adult

Lisa Damour Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood

Get your child help

We all need to know our limitations. Sometimes our kids need to speak with someone besides us. There are many wonderful people who can help your child. Obviously a therapist is ideal as they have the experience and background to provide effective tools. Other options are other adults like aunts, uncles, other family members, older cousins or family friends. Really anyone who is mature and cares about your child can help. A school guidance counselor can sometimes be a helpful ally as well.

Home is where the heart is

Family can be a source of strength and support even while our kids seemingly want to move away from us. Creating a home that is supportive, welcoming and loving can go a long way to help. Taking life a little less seriously can remind our kids that everything is temporary and things will get better. A happy home can give the whole family strength, including you as you tackle this challenging time.

Adolescence is tough–we know because we have been there. It is challenging as kids grow emotionally and physically. And as the saying goes “we are only as happy as our most unhappy child”, it can be a very difficult time for you. The more we can do to help our children laugh and experience joy the better able they will be able to survive this time and the better you will be as well.

I know there are lots of creative ideas out there that resourceful parents have uncovered. Please share any tools you have used to survive this time in your life.


Create Space in 2018

“Create the Space to Let Life Happen” is the motto on my 2018 planner designed by Ashley Staum, owner of “She Plans.” A planner, when used proactively, can be a tool for freedom. The freedom to grow, stretch and create is a goal for many of us and with a little planning we can create those opportunities in 2018. Growth requires empty space: time for spontaneity, time for rest, time for connection—to ourselves and to others. We cannot develop brilliant ideas without time. We cannot be true to ourselves without reflection. But we need to be intentional about these things. Before you fill your 2018 calendar with obligations, prioritize time to just daydream (remember the good ole days when we would do that?). Here are my tips:


Reserve time on your calendar

On my Google calendar I color code everything. I have a color for my work, for my play, for each child and for my workouts. This allows me to be sure I am making time for what is important to me and that no one color dominates my life. My daughter’s high school has a brilliant program. They reserve 2.5 hours for the students every Monday and they call it Genius Block. This is time students can pursue their dreams, take learning to the next level or just relax. We should all build Genius Blocks into our life and fill it however it makes sense. Pick a color and start to book time to do what you need/want and don’t even allow yourself to question it. You deserve it and our world can definitely use a few more geniuses.

Create space in your body

Lauren, my awesome personal trainer, has taught me that unless you have space in your body, you will not be able to build muscle safely. Stretching is an integral part of our sessions and is supposed to be an integral part of my daily schedule (I am working on that). Let me tell you, taking time to stretch and take care of my body has led to me being stronger than I have ever been. It turns out that not getting injured is an effective way to be healthier. Take time to develop space in your body through stretching, yoga, massage, whatever you can do to show your body some love. It will thank you for it.

Create Space in your mind:

  • David Allen, creator of Getting Things Done a work-life management system, says “Your mind is for having ideas, not holding them.” Allen has a five step plan for getting things done and the very first one is called Capture, where you literally dump anything and everything out of your brain onto paper (or a computer organizing system). Once you have emptied everything out of your brain, you can begin to figure things out. Holding stuff in your brain to remember wastes precious resources and can cause unnecessary stress. So as you prep for 2018, begin to capture everything you hold in your brain into some sort of system either paper or digital.
  • Use mindfulness to single-task. The more we focus on one thing at a time the more space we have in our brain to dedicate to that one task. Think of a garden hose. When you spray the water in lots of directions, the pressure is distributed and diluted, but when you allow the hose to go in one direction only, it can be powerful. Our mind works the same way. When our mind is going into a million directions, it is diluted. Your life deserves your full attention. Engage your mindfulness skills to hone your attention on one thing and enhance the quality (and most probably the quantity) of your work.

Magically make more time appear

In the movie Sully about the Miracle on the Hudson, it is clear that one of the reasons the simulator could not accurately reflect what the human pilots did was because computer simulators do not need to take up time making decisions. Decision-making takes time and energy. One secret to creating extra time is to build in habits that you do without thinking. Imagine how much wasted time you would have if you had to decide to brush your teeth every day. If you create habits in your life, you gain that extra time to do things that actually make you happy. Just like you make your coffee without thinking (or at least I do), create other habits that keep you on track and free up some of that decision making time.

Create space in your physical environment

Rachel Jones, a joyful space specialist and founder of NourishingMinimalism.com, explains that clutter creates anxiety and wastes time. She offers a clearing clutter challenge to get rid of 2018 items in 2018 and she even offers a motivational chart to help us track. I plan to do this challenge. If it will help limit the amount of time I spend looking for my glasses every day, the happier everyone in my family will be!

These are just a few ideas about how to make space in 2018. Experiment and have fun with it. Simply being proactive rather than reactive is a great place to start. I would love to learn how you build more space into your life. Check out my worksheet to help you play with these ideas. To a happy, healthy and free 2018!




Flywheel Breakthrough: Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

I have been going to Flywheel religiously two days a week for several years. Flywheel is a spin class where you ride a stationary bike to music with an instructor leading the way. I love the dark space where I zone out and ride to the beat. The music fills me and I get taken away on a journey each class. During class you accrue a score based on your effort (a calculation based on resistance and speed). I somehow get the same score every… single… class. For a while I tried to increase my score by saying to myself before class: “work harder!” Not surprisingly that was ineffective. Finally, I took matters into my own hand and planned how to increase my score ahead of time. As they say “nothing changes if nothing changes.” So I decided to do things differently. I made a plan before class and implemented it and immediately got a score 15 points higher than my regular score (an increase of 6%). I used the same methods that I give my clients when they are working towards a goal and it worked. Below is an outline of my plan which can be applied to all of our goals:


I had the opportunity to chat with an instructor after class a few weeks ago and I finally revealed my frustration. Why couldn’t I increase my score? He suggested a technique to use. He explained that I should focus on my speed rather than my resistance. In other words when I ignore the teacher’s instruction, ignore the resistance, but follow the speed. Hmmm, this had never occurred to me. I guess there is a method to this madness!


OK, I know I am a yoga instructor so you would think breathing would be obvious, but it wasn’t. I needed to use my breathing to help me. Sometimes I would panic and breathe too fast and shallow. I needed to take some deep breaths to help me along. By connecting with my breath, I was able to stabilize my mind and get back on track.

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway

As a student of the Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, I have learned that procrastination is just a form of fear. So I asked myself what I was afraid of? Why couldn’t I push past my number? What was holding me back? I uncovered the fear: the fear of being uncomfortable, the fear of getting hurt and the fear of pushing too hard. I knew I had to move past these fears if I wanted to progress.

Take it One Step at a Time

As a coach I tell my clients to create bite sized chunks when pursuing the goal. It can be intimidating to think about the big goal, so instead we should break it down into smaller goals. Spin classes include approximately a dozen songs per class. I decided to focus on one song at a time. I made a mini-goal for each song. I did not allow myself to think about three songs in the future; I just focused on the present song. How was I feeling right then? Could I add resistance, could I add speed? Was I working at the right pace for myself right now?


How was I talking to myself throughout class? Was I being kind or was I beating myself up? I promised myself I would say supportive things like “if you need a break after this song, you can take it.” This helped me not panic when I was giving it my all during a song and worrying about whether I would be able to keep up with this pace during the whole class. Knowing I would listen to my body and take care of myself, I was able to increase my productivity. Self-compassion helped reduce my fear.

Be Proactive

It took me a couple years, but I finally decided to be intentional about the class. I wasn’t ready to make a change until I was ready. For the first couple years maybe I was just trying to create a routine for myself where I actually showed up to class. But one day I was ready to take my workout to the next level and when that happened I made a plan. If we want to make a change in our life, we need to give it the respect it deserves by asking questions and making changes.

Lesson learned. When it is time to make a change, be intentional, methodical and kind. We don’t need to excel at everything we do, but when it is time to make a change, go for it!






10 Tips for an Awesome Summer- You Got This!

It’s June, time to think about your summer. Ever notice how Labor Day comes and you look back on your summer with regret—all the things you hoped to do did not happen. Let’s change that now! Get out your calendar and PLAN for the following activities. Make your summer count. Try new things, take advantage of the warm weather and longer days, enjoy the slower pace and create new traditions and memories. Go through the 10 suggestions below with an open heart and an adventurous spirit. Just Do It!

  1. Step out of character: the same way kids pretend to be someone else and “start fresh” at summer camp, we can have an opportunity to act out of character over the summer too. Mixing things up and acting out of character can teach you a lot about yourself and who knows what opportunities it can open up?
  • Do you prefer adventure? Take up gardening
  • Are you a homebody? Go campingcareer coaching
  • Are you always the boss? Be a participant and not a leader of an activity
  • Do you avoid attention? Sing karaoke….sober
  • Do you wear a lot of makeup? Go natural
  • Do you wear only tans and beiges? Add some color
  • Do you only consider it exercise if you’re pouring with sweat? Try restorative or yin yoga
  • Hate to sweat? Try a spin class or warm yoga
  • Are you impulsive and fast moving? Start writing in a journal and meditating
  • Do you overanalyze everything? Make a quick decision and take on the mantra “fail fast”
  1. Experiment with the plethora of fresh fruits and veggies summer has to offer and try some nutritious foods you usually overlook.
  2. Take advantage of the longer days to take a walk with your spouse, kids or friends at dusk and enjoy the companionship and cooler weather.
  3. Get dirty. Garden, walk around barefoot, paint, hike, bake. Do whatever you need Life coachto make a mess and enjoy it!
  4. Connect with old friends. Summer can make us sentimental. When feeling nostalgic, act on it rather than wallow in it. Call, email, text or even snail-mail an old friend. It is never too late.
  5. Find your inner athlete—even if you have to search really, really hard. Join a tennis clinic, play on your neighborhood softball team, run a 5k, hike a local trail, bike on vacation, participate in a master swim class, play Frisbee or kadima, do cartwheels, or just go back to #3 and walk
  6. Invite friends and neighbors over to grill. No need to set up a fancy table. Burgers, hotdogs and beer can be an easy way to entertain without the pressure. Paper plates and no cooking pans can make clean up a snap.
  7. Throw things out!! A cluttered house can feel even more claustrophobic in the heat. Spend a few moments every day or pick one day a week to clear out the clutter. As my husband tries to tell me “the garbage can be your friend”.
  8. Read a juicy book or watch a juicy show. Put away the non-fiction and the news and read or watch something that is pure bliss. A whodunit, romance, fantasy, whatever your preference, indulge!wellness coach
  9. Create a new family tradition. Game night, Friday night dinner with friends, put together a 1000 piece puzzle, have a ping pong tournament, take a trip to the beach, whatever you need to do to share something special and make it an ongoing memory.

So… what’s your plan? Share your priorities in the comments section, announce them to your friends, put them in INK into your calendar and make things happen. As Sheryl Sandberg says “YGT”—You Got This!

To learn more about my Summer Goals workshops or my 1-on-1 coaching, email me at  or visit my website.



How to Slow Down Time

I am 45 going on 46. I am at the start of midlife. This is the time many people start saying they wish they had a magic wand to slow things down, which I totally understand. Not only do I want to slow down my kids growing older, I want to slow everything down.

Fortunately, we do have a magic wand. We have the power to slow things down, and we all know this intellectually. Slowing down is hard because life pushes us along at a brisk pace. If we want to slow down, there are no short cuts. Being present in life is hard work and requires constant vigilance. I am going to share with you some ways I am learning to be more present so that I can savor this time.

Connect with your Teenager

Do you know who Murr, Joe, Sal and Q are? Well I do, and let me tell you, it is not something I would typically brag about. These are four best friends who have created a popular TV show called Impractical Jokers where they all have the best time embarrassing each other. My 13-year-old son loves this show and was completely insulted when I couldWellness Coaching not tell the four guys apart. Considering the fact that my son strung the most words together when discussing this show, I decided I better hop on the bandwagon. Now, when he watches the show, I watch it with him and savor the joy of watching him laugh until he cries. I have learned who all the characters are and can engage in somewhat “intelligent” conversations with him about it.

Connect with your Elders

I love being around people who are older. Not only does it make me feel young, but I am comforted knowing that they have insights to share. I know that they have been around the block and have experiences I have yet to have.

I will never forget the time my parents slept over when my kids were still little. My dad was reading a book to my son and my mom was reading a book to my daughter. Rather than surreptitiously skipping pages in the book in order to finish it faster so bedtime would arrive more quickly (as I was guilty of doing), they were slowing things down. They were life coachingmaking the bedtime story process take longer! It was astounding to me. My parents were living in an alternate universe where their sole purpose in life was to savor their grandchildren.

Earlier this week, my mother-in-law and 16-year-old daughter had a 15-minute conversation about The Odyssey and Macbeth. I had no idea my daughter could talk about literature with such depth. It took someone older who was savoring time with her granddaughter to create the environment for this sort of conversation. I saw what was possible if I slowed down.

Stop Rushing

My New Year’s Resolution for 2017 was to get over my desire to be exactly on time to things. I was like Goldilocks, I didn’t want to be too early and I didn’t want to be too late; I wanted to be exactly on time. Well as we all know, this goal is impossibLife Coachingle. My blood pressure was rising several times a day as I attempted to be exactly on time. Now, I have decided to leave 15 minutes earlier than necessary. For example, if it takes 15 minutes to get somewhere, I leave a half hour before I need to be there. I cannot tell you how much this has helped me. Often, I do encounter detours, construction, or other delays on the way, and I relax and listen to my music without panic. The less you have to rush in your life, the more you can slow down and enjoy the moment. When rushing, life is a blur. When taking your time, you can actually see the colors and details around you. You can BE in the moment. Which is a magical way to slow down time.

Connect with yourself

While I love Flywheel, I disagree their motto “Never Coast”. Ok, fine, during their 45-minute class you can “never coast” but please leave that motto at the door. Any productivity book you read (and I have read dozens) tells you to try to make your life easier. The more systems, rituals and habits you have in place, the easier it is for you to get the job done and Life Coachingthe more access you have to creativity and connection. Think about it, if you are riding a bike, when is the time when you can take in the beauty of your surroundings? When you are coasting of course. Otherwise you are pushing hard to get up hill or flying downhill. My question for those who are always pushing or flying is –what are you pushing your way to? What are you flying away from? What is wrong with coasting and being present?

So, you may ask, how do I slow down and connect with myself when life is so busy? Introduce these activities into your life—and do only the activity—no multitasking!

  • Take a bath
  • Do slow yoga
  • GardenLife Coaching
  • Take a walk
  • Learn to knit
  • Complete a puzzle
  • Meditate
  • Breathe
  • Dance
  • Color or Draw
  • Bake

Be a rebel. Throw off the fitbit for a nature walk. Watch stupid shows with your kids. Post about the awesome 200-piece puzzle you just completed. Let’s change the norm from busyness to presence. OK, gotta run (just kidding …).


Moving Beyond My Comfort Zone


One of my favorite signs from the Women’s March in DC was “Introvert by Nature, Protester by Need”. Based on the reaction among the crowd, It was clear to me that many other people identified with this sign as well. How does an introvert, who hates crowds, push oneself to attend a march with hundreds of thousands of people? How do we help ourselves push outside of our comfort zone?

As a coach, I often help my clients move outside of their comfort zone. It is common for our goals to be outside our comfort zone—which is exactly why it can be difficult to attain them. So how do we move outside our comfort zone without going into Unknown-1full panic mode?

The best way to deal with discomfort is to understand what causes our discomfort, anticipate and prepare for those triggers and find healthy coping alternatives. Most importantly, we need to continue to step out of our comfort zone!

  1. Pay Attention

First you must identify when you are uncomfortable. How does this feel in your body? How does it affect your thoughts and your behaviors? Then, ask yourself what emotion you are feeling. Is it fear, sadness, uncertainty, anger, frustration or something else? Be sure that the emotion you are identifying is the primary emotion. For instance, you may feel embarrassed as your primary emotion yet it presents itself as anger. This can be confusing. We think we are angry but we are actually embarrassed. Digging deep enough to find your primary emotion is hard work and requires some truth telling and self-awareness. Just like with toddlers, meltdowns are usually the result of a primary emotion like exhaustion or frustration or envy. The anger (or secondary emotion) exhibited is merely the way the primary emotion is being expressed.

  1. Identify your crutches

life coachingDo you grab your phone whenever you have a moment of boredom, too much time to think or when you are in an intimidating situation? Do you reach for a cookie? Do you bite your nails? These are self-soothing techniques, but it does not allow you to really work through your feelings and better understand yourself.

  1. Create space between yourself and your crutch

In order to grow and learn how to regulate your emotions, you must identify your crutches and then make space between you and your crutch. Sitting in your discomfort is, for lack of a better word, uncomfortable. Leave your phone in your purse, walk out of the kitchen, put your hands in your pocket.

  1. Engage your curiosity

Meet your discomfort with curiosity. Why are you feeling uncomfortable? What is your primary emotion? What are some other ways you could help regulate these primary emotions? For instance, if you are at a party with lots of people you find intimidating, don’t grab your phone and start scrolling through Facebook. Instead ask yourself “Why do these people intimidate me?” “Is there someone in this room whom I find less intimidating?” If yes, go find that person. Observe the people in the room; is there anything you can learn about them or yourself? How can you be present even though it is uncomfortable?

  1. Find a healthy alternative to your crutch

As an introvert, attending the DC March required me to step out of my comfort zone. During the march, I utilized coping mechanisms to help me. I noticed the calm of the people around me and found comfort in the collective emotion of pride, enthusiasm and solidarity. I held my daughter’s hand. I took deep breaths when I needed to reconnect with life coachingmyself. I moved when I felt claustrophobic to a more open space. I pushed myself to step out of my comfort zone to attend the march, but I did what I needed to make it manageable.

  1. Anticipate and prepare for moments of discomfort

There are also ways to anticipate discomfort and help yourself before you feel uncomfortable. For instance, I knew I was going to feel nervous at the march, so I followed the safety advice thatLife coaching was provided by the organizers of the march. I may have been overly cautious, but I knew these efforts would help keep me calm during the march. Planning ahead is a productive way to help with emotional regulation both before and during the event.

What are ways you self regulate when stepping out of your comfort zone? I would love to hear your strategies. We all have moments we are uncomfortable –it is a universally human condition. So embrace it, prepare for it, be present in it, learn from it and feel proud of your courage to step into it.

Contact me for more information about stepping out of your comfort zone to achieve your goals.


Body Image: Let’s Change the Conversation

How many times have you said or heard the following: “You look great! Have you lost weight?” Over my 45 years I have said and heard the following way more times than I can count. I have translated that sentence like this: You have lost weight -> you look great->you are happy. In other words you are thin=you are happy.

My junior year of college I had lost a bunch of weight. Other students loved to bask in the glow of my thinness and they would ask me “How did you do it?” and then they would listen attentively like I was the Dalai Lama. In my typical candidness I would answer, “I didn’t eat”. I did not say it with pride, I simply told the truth. And everyone would just nod in sad recognition. We were all enslaved to the thin ideal.

This past year in an effort to lose 10 pounds I had recently gained, I pulled out my back twice doing exercise that was not healthy for my body. I teach yoga and tell my students every class to listen to their body. Yet it is the hardest lesson I have had for myself.

So why, even though I have so much evidence to the contrary do I still have this thin=happy mindset? What do I need to do to move on?

Losing weight has become such a “should” in my life that my brain has created a huge neural life coachingpathway around that. Beauty in general is seen as an achievement; something you attain. Like most women, my relationship with weight and body image and beauty is so heavy, so loaded and so full of suffering.

I participated in a 10 month Certificate in Positive Psychology program, and I just returned home from a weeklong immersion with the other 150 participants. Many brilliant people spoke. The stories that were shared were incredibly powerful and I have never felt so much truth and love in one place. Interestingly, the two stories that had the most profound impact on me highlighted the issue of weight.

One woman had made a promise to herself and out loud to the group 10 months ago that she would come back much thinner. I remember my heart breaking at the time as the entire room erupted in applause for her. Yes, Positive Psychology embraces the mind/body connection and the importance of taking care of our body, but once again even in this safe space losing weight was considered a virtue. The woman came back this time and announced her “failure” to lose the weight. However, life coachingthankfully, her best friend reminded her of her magnificence and she decided she was going to focus on that beauty instead. Yes!

Another woman presented the poetry she wrote throughout the year. She said, I may never feel thin and beautiful, but I can create my own form of beauty through poetry. A truth was revealed to me. We can interpret our own beauty through kindness, authenticity, truth and courage.

In my Positive Psychology program we learned about Deceptive Brain Messages or (DBMs). Jeffrey Schwartz, MD & Rebecca Gladding, MD, outline the idea of DBMs in their book You Are Not Your Brain. DBMs are messages our brain tells us that are inaccurate but that we have been telling ourselves so many times we believe them. For instance you might say that you are not smart, unworthy of love, or not good enough at your job. Perhaps you were told these messages by others and then took them on as your own or you created these ideas from the media. Whatever the source, Schwartz has recommendations about how to alter these messages. Based on the most up to date brain research, we are learning that we can change our brain. Thinking new thoughts can create new neural pathways. Incredibly, we can change our brain throughout our life, not just during our childhood.

wellness coachingI simply need to change my thinking around my weight and beauty to create new neural pathways. This is my new challenge. Because the thing is, I am happy. The main thing that brings me down is when I start to focus on weight and external beauty. So now, when I think about my weight I am going to focus on my truth and authenticity. When I think about external beauty I am going to create new thoughts around my kindness and compassion. I am going to reshape my brain to be an empowering machine where health and happiness are defined by me.

I ask you. If you see me, please do not look me up and down and remark on my weight. Instead, you can learn about my happiness by a more accurate investigation. Ask me what book I am reading now and watch me light up with excitement. Ask me how my family is doing and I will share our challenges and successes. Ask me about what I do for fun, or about my career. Connect with me in an authentic and honest way and that will bring us both happiness.


Parenting Sanity: Play to Your Strengths

After watching the movie Bad Moms and reading several articles about the ridiculous expectations that are placed on moms these days, I felt compelled to write about a different way to evaluate ourselves as parents. I laugh as I recall from my childhood my mom yelling sweetly from her bed “Have a nice day!”  as I ran off to catch the bus for school. She did not feel obligated to wake me up, make my breakfast and make sure I made it to the bus on time. But she did see it as her duty to bring me to all the latest movies and made sure that we watched 0aa3256e252a7450a676312f5d0187ccHappy Days together every Tuesday night. As she would explain, without guilt, she is simply not a morning person, but she is a night person. So we benefited from the nighttime activities and fended for ourselves in the morning. My mom played to her strengths and I think she was a much happier mom for it.

Today, we, like our children, are expected to be good at everything. I am here to argue that we should go back to that aspect of 1970s parenting (not the seatbelt-less and lack of rearview cameras 1970s). Let’s connect with our rebellious side and give ourselves a break.

The first step is to identify YOUR strengths. After all, you may hate to watch Happy Days and may really enjoy waking your kids up in the morning. And that is ok. I for one gave up doing arts and crafts with my kids years ago. I find it mind numbingly boring and I have absolutely no images-83artistic talent. Baking with my kids and eating our creations are strengths of mine and I have done tons of that with my kids. For me baking with my kids gives me the same happiness that arts and crafts may provide for a different mom.

We all can share our love for our kids in different ways. My husband has tons of inside jokes with the kids. He loves to make up nicknames and to get to know their friends. He also loves to talk about sports with my son – which is something I will never ever understand, and thankfully he can help my daughter with math. I, on the other hand, am amazing at helping my kids when they are anxious or worried. “Worried” is my middle name and runs in my family back to the dark ages, so throw any fear my way and I am ready to calm, soothe and empathize.

So what are your strengths and how can you play to them? Not easy to come up with right? As Mary Reckmeyer says in her book Strengths Based Parenting “Talents are so innate, so ever-present, that you might not even realize you have them. In fact, people typically think that whatever talents they have everybody has.” In contrast, what if I asked you what your weaknesses are? Of course that list is already embedded in your brain ready to roll off your tongue. Sadly, focusing on weaknesses is often a waste. We should only focus on our weaknesses to the extent they interfere with our pursuing our strengths. Focusing on our strengths provides much more bang for our buck.

I recently wrote a blog about Job Crafting, where I discussed current research on how people can craft their jobs to enhance their job satisfaction. The good news is that the same approach applies to our jobs as parents. If we design our parental roles with our strengths in mind, we will enjoy parenting more. For example, I love to read. During one road trip I read my family one of the books I was reading. Everyone got hooked. After that, I would tell my family about each book I was reading as I read it. I loved keeping them informed of the twists and turns in the plot and my secret hope is that they end up loving reading as much as I do. My sister-in-law shares her love of the ocean and hiking with her kids by spending hours in the ocean jumping the waves family-waves-20901345
with them or finding cool hikes wherever they go. My sister shares her fun and creative spirit with her kids by creating awesome family traditions and incredible birthday parties and sleepovers. My best friend shares her comedic timing with her kids and helps everyone laugh at themselves and not take life too seriously. Each family benefits from their parents being their authentic selves instead of mimicking some ridiculous ideal.

The village approach to parenting is essential for this idea of focusing on our strengths. Fortunately, I have a village of friends and family who can share their talents with my kids. We don’t have to be good at everything, but if we build rich and solid relationships in our lives, we can fill in the gaps.

Begin to pay attention to your strengths and what you enjoy to figure out how you can craft your job as a parent. Then, think about how you can utilize your village to help you with your lesser strengths (aka “weaknesses”). Parenting does not need to be so hard! Maybe we should all try yelling from our bed one morning “Have a nice day!” as our kids run out to catch their school bus.

Interested in learning more about strengths based parenting? Please contact me at amyalpertlifecoach@gmail.com


10 Things I Have Learned as a Yoga Instructor

I have taught yoga for over five years and upon reflection I have learned a lot in the process. The lessons I have outlined below are not unique to yoga or to teaching yoga. These are lessons that can apply to all aspects of our life. I hope sharing these lessons will allow others to learn not only about how to choose an exercise program but also how to live a happier life. Most importantly I share these lessons with my loyal students. My gratitude to them is profound and these lessons I have learned are a tribute to my students and their awesomeness.

1. Positive Energy in a room is contagious

I recently was at a one-hour workshop led by an energy healer. She was amazing. She was like a magician– except her magic was real, not illusion. She demonstrated how people become physically stronger or weaker depending Wellness coachingon the energy of the people around them. Miraculously, my yoga students give me energy and they give each other energy too.

2. Authenticity matters

For a long time I struggled with the fact that I do not look like a yoga instructor (at least not the ones on Yoga Journal) and when I teach a class, I tend to need the blocks and other props more than many of my students. Lots of poses elude me. But I can still teach. My goal in my class is to help people get out of their heads and into their bodies, to connect with their core self and take that connection out of the yoga room and into the world. You don’t need to be able to do any pose to the max to be able to do that. Being true to myself as a teacher and not pretending, gives my students permission to be their authentic selves as well.

3. Location, Location, Location

I teach out of a Synagogue as well as out of a Wellness center and I am certain this has helped me create a class that is consistent with my values. When you walk into the Wellness center, the scent of lavender greets you at the door. This immediately creates a mindset of self-care rather than competition. When entering the Synagogue you are reminded of community and spirituality. My yoga class is more than an exercise class, it is a mind body experience that reminds us of the universality of the human experience and of the many ways there are to care for ourselves; physically, emotionally and spiritually.

4. Laughter makes everything better

I have laughed during every single one of my classes. My students are hilarious. We laugh at ourselves and at the ridiculous things that happen in our lives. We laugh at the craziness of a pose, we laugh about my inability to ever remember which side we are on. Cracking up in class is definitely one reason I leave class feeling so much healthier and happier.

5. Being imperfect is empowering

Yoga is not about achieving a perfect form in a pose. That is not to say I don’t care about alignment because I do. Alignment can keep you safe and help you experience the pose more effectively. But let’s not confuse alignment with perfection. Too much focus on doing the pose “right” can be distracting. We use a growth mindset in class. How can you move forward? How can you work with your challenges? My students are not obsessed with accomplishing a pose, they just want to move, feel good and connect.

6. Someone needs to go into business offering places to nap 

We are all way too tired! My mom, who very much values her daily nap, says she is going to start a business napping for people who don’t have time. If only that were possible! At the end of every yoga class we lie Wellness coachingdown in shavasana or corpse pose for five minutes. The time is meant to allow the work of the class to absorb into your body and it is an effective way to make the transition from class to the world. The only problem is no one wants to wake up! Insomniacs unite! There is apparently no better way to fall asleep than on the hard floor of a yoga class.

7. The teacher gets as much out of the class as the student

There have been many times over the past five years where I have not been “in the mood” to teach. I am tired, stressed, distracted etc. In order to get to class we all need to jump through many hoops. But I can say with 100% certainty that my students dissolve my negative feelings the minute they walk into the room. Students come ready to share, learn and experience. Not only do my students feel more integrated and settled after a class, I do too.

8. Leave Your Ego at the Door

There is no better way to ruin an exercise streak than getting injured and as we age this seems to happen more frequently. My biggest concern is my students’ safety. A common refrain in my class is to pay attention to how you feel and adjust accordingly. Getting to know your body better is a secret gift of exercise and yoga in particular. My students know their limits and are more than willing to adapt to the pose as necessary. It is not always easy to resist our urge to push through the pain, but paying attention to our body allows us to maintain a fitness program for the long haul.

9. Flexibility is a state of mind

When I became a yoga instructor, one of the first “rules” I had was that there would be no rules. Come late, leave early, have your cell phone near you.  Life is crazy, why do we need to put more restraints on ourselves? Of course my class can’t be first priority if you have a sick kid, if you have to attend a meeting or if you have to care for an elderly relative. I was eager to create an environment where life was acknowledged and career coachingembraced. And guess what? People do not take advantage. Although I allow students to come late, they often come on time. Even though students can have their phones, they keep them on silent. My students care about the class as a whole and are considerate of others. Students, who might not otherwise come because they were going to be late, come anyway. And I am thrilled to have them. My class is for people with a life. My students are full of energy, responsibilities and passion and for that I say “bring it on”.

10. Dedication is magical

Several of my students come every single week. I struggle with such dedication to an exercise routine and I am so inspired by these students. Their dedication is what fuels me. Knowing they will be there motivates me to do my best, to come prepared, to give it my all. I do not want to disappoint my students who make my class a priority. I have learned that dedication has rewards and prioritizing your self-care is a privilege that pays you back tenfold.

But most importantly I have learned Gratitude. I would not be a yoga teacher if it were not for my loyal students. To my yoga students, I want to give a heartfelt THANK YOU. I hope you know how much I love all of you.  And if you are not my student, these 10 points are helpful to anyone looking to incorporate exercise into their life. Take note of what is important to you and go out and find it. There is no one size fits all solution, so take your time and play the field. Find the place that fits your personality and goals. Once you do, the dedication and gratitude will follow.