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A Yom Kippur Moment

Sitting with my whole family in my sister’s home, I notice how my 12-year-old niece, without thinking, sits down on my dad’s lap. How special that a 12-year-old can still feel comfortable with her grandfather and without thinking just take a seat. And my dad gratefully accepted her on his lap. I am confident the moment was not lost on him. We both share the ability to appreciate the moment.

It was just a moment, a moment of connection, a moment of love, a moment of trust, a moment that was the result of 100s if not 1000s of moments before.

This moment encapsulates my hopes and dreams for my own future. One day I want my 12-year-old granddaughter to come and sit on my lap without a moment’s hesitation. I want to allow it to happen and experience that moment of gratitude. I want to represent safety, love and compassion to my grandchildren. I want to provide a place where they can just be.

While I watched my niece sit on my dad’s lap, I also felt a tinge of sadness. My niece will not be a sweet and innocent 12-year-old forever and my dad will not be around forever.  How can you grapple with this moment of pure love and joy, and then deep sadness?

I guess the point is just to feel and welcome whatever emotions arise. These moments can create multiple emotions, both positive and negative. It is not our job to judge these conflicting emotions. It is not our job to deny them either. We are complicated creatures, and simplifying these moments would not do them justice

As I get older I hope to continue to feel these emotions no matter what they bring up. I hope as a mother I can model how to be open and awake to these emotions so my kids will appreciate these moments as well.

How can we stop and enjoy these moments? If I had been texting, I would have missed it. If I had been thinking about what I needed to do tomorrow, I would have missed it. If I had been worrying about something I said earlier, I would have missed it. But I didn’t. And for that I am grateful.

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Diamond In the Rough

While unloading groceries yesterday, my engagement ring got caught on one of the drawers and my diamond slipped out of its setting. I was shocked to see my ring setting minus a diamond! Luckily I was able to immediately find the diamond, but my heart was racing when I did.

I have had this ring for over 20 years. I wear it every single day. I never take it off. It is a small enough ring that it does not get in the way and I would feel naked without it. I have never wanted an upgrade, even as I have genuinely admired the upgraded rings of my friends around me. I happen to love big beautiful diamond rings. But so far I have not replaced mine.

My 16-year-old daughter was sitting with me when the jeweler asked me if I wanted to upgrade my setting. She looked horrified when I paused to consider it. (As I mentioned, I love big beautiful diamond rings.) She shook her head vigorously. “That is the ring daddy gave you! I can’t imagine you with a different ring. I love your ring!” Not surprisingly she had a strong opinion (she is 16), but I appreciated her nostalgia. Not everything needs to be improved or upgraded.

As we approach our 20th anniversary of marriage, this event made me stop for a moment and think about any symbolism my broken engagement ring might have. I rarely see a coincidence as a mere coincidence. What is this telling me?

Don’t take things for granted:

I have worn this ring for over 20 years without a problem, and then out of the blue it comes out of the setting. My husband and I have our daily routine. We go to bed together, we wake up together, we touch base during the day, we organize our schedules. This predictability is not something to take for granted. Unexpected things can happen. Appreciate the routine.

Time can wear down the foundation:

images-92Sure, love can grow deeper as you are married longer, but minor annoyances can also grow, age-old fights can become ingrained and the wear and tear of life can feel insurmountable. In many ways marriage can get harder as we get older. This is less of a problem if you acknowledge it and move through the challenge together. Sometimes my husband seems surprised when things are tough. I gently remind him that marriage can be hard work sometimes. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy.

Shiny new things can be appealing:

Sometimes my husband and I think about things we can buy to add a little spice into life. But ultimately, spending money is not going to strengthen our marriage. For us, simply going out to dinner can make us feel more connected and happier together. For our 10- year anniversary, instead of a trip to Europe, we went out for Indian food at our favorite restaurant (located in a Jersey strip mall!). While going to Europe is an amazing way to celebrate, that was not going to work for us at that time. In the end, I will always remember that evening as being full of love and laughter—which is why I married him in the first place!

Expectlife coaching the unexpected

My father-in-law passed away six months ago and grief is a powerful thing. My husband’s suffering was hard on our marriage. But, thankfully we had the foundation to get through it. Marriage is not immune to the ups and downs of life. If we can honor that, we can get through them together.

Things are just things:

Ok, I got lucky and found the diamond. But what if I hadn’t? That would have been ok. I don’t need a ring to prove our love. Love is the energy we bring to our relationship on a daily basis. Love is knowing that we are both completely invested in the success of the relationship. It is a delicate dance and I don’t want to learn to dance with anyone else.

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The Hero of Your Own Story

Much of my time as a coach is building my clients back up. I have had cancer survivors, spouses of cancer survivors, clients who have cared for sick parents and others who have cared for children with special needs. These are people who inspire me, yet when I tell them this, they look at me like I have six heads. They’re not so special, they tell me. Loo at all their failures. When I point out all the amazing things they have accomplished, they say, “Oh you had to say this because you are my coach.” No I don’t and honestly I could not pretend to be inspired even if I tried.  These are people who have suffered and survived. They should be strutting around tooting their horn, but instead they are stuck in self-doubt.

My job as a coach is to remind people that there are multiple ways to tell their story. There is no one right way. Our life is complicated and telling our story is complicated. Is the way you tell your story serving you?

When prepping for job interviews, I help my clients write their story. What are you proud life coachingof? What have you struggled with and survived? How have you grown as a person. How have your circumstances made you the person you are today? And how does this translate into you being successful in the future? You cannot convince a future employer that you are awesome if you are stuck in a mediocre story. Practice telling your new story until you believe it in your soul.

This is your truth. I am not asking my clients to lie or create something out of nothing. We all have things to be proud of. We have all survived in our own way. But we need to see it and believe it. And, most importantly, we need to tell it–to ourselves and to others.

In the book The Artists Way, Julia Cameron advises her readers to let their fear be their fuel. When writing your story, let your self-doubt fuel you. When you spiral downward by focusing on your perceived failures and your weaknesses, question your assumptions. Imagine I am sitting in front of you. How would I challenge you? What are you minimizing? What are you highlighting?  Why are you making those choices and do they serve your future? We all share a fear of failure as well as a fear of success. Use that fear to fuel you.

You get one life. Are you going to be the hero or the villain in your story? You are the hero… trust me. Not because you are perfect or because your life was easy, but precisely because it is not.

 

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Courage

I have spent much of my life not feeling brave. As a child, I would go to bed at night and wonder what I would be afraid of that night. My options were: 1. Dracula 2. The house catching on fire 3. Robbers. Every night I would consider the possibilities, select one and then… ready, set, worry. I was shy, afraid of strangers, afraid of heights, afraid of getting in trouble, afraid of fire, afraid of thunderstorms, afraid of snakes and afraid of not being liked.

But despite this, my life has been filled with brave moments. One of my favorite moments of bravery was in 3rd grade I walked up to 8-year-old Suzy during music class and said “I like the games you play, can we be friends?” She said “sure!” and 3rd grade got a whole lot more fun.

One of the hardest consequences of this is dealing with other people’s perceptions and judgments—and eagerness to push you to “get beyond your fear”. No one wants to look like a wimp. But I also realize that there are many ways to be brave and sometimes the most visible and traditional measurements of bravery are not always the most revealing.

For instance:

  • My daughter hates roller coasters, which was challenging when she went to amusement parks during camp, but she is not afraid to speak up for someone being picked on.
  • My son was afraid of fire drills in elementary school, so much so that the principal would cocareer coachme and get him before each fire drill and bring him outside early. Yet, he was the only grandchild who was unafraid to hold his great-grandmother’s hand as she lay dying.
  • My former colleague Jennifer was soft spoken and unassuming on the job – often getting overlooked for promotions. However, on 9/11, when we were a few blocks from the world trade center, she suggested we walk toward the Twin Towers to visit the children’s center on Broad Street to ensure the kids were safe.
  • I was recently terrified when hiking with friends when we came to a part that I described life coachingas “cliff diving” and they described as “walking along a path”. But the next week I bravely got a routine colonoscopy in an effort to protect my health.

This makes me question, are there some people who are braver than others or are we all just brave in different ways? This is critical in understanding how we can help ourselves grow. Instead of thinking about all of our cowardly traits, why don’t we reflect on all the brave things we have done?

Also, how can we protect our vulnerable side? Is it ok to not go cliff diving (aka walking on a steep trail), or skip the amusement park, or avoid asking Suzy to be friends? I don’t know. I guess we all need to decide when fear holds us back and when it is ok to honor our fear. When does it make sense to push and when does it make sense to give ourselves a break. And when we are around someone who is afraid, I hope we can think about what message we are sending to him or her if we push him or her outside his or her comfort zone. I hope we can remember a time when we were afraid to better understand, empathize and show compassion to someone else who is scared.

I no longer imagine the dangers every night before I go to bed—instead I protect myself life coachingby not watching Stranger Things (which is hard to do because my family loves it) or Law and Order SVU before I go to bed and I read a nice novel instead. And when I do get scared, I remind myself that we all have our “mishigas” (yiddush for craziness). I know when I need to get over myself (schedule the colonoscopy) and when I can let go (skip the hike). Everyone has their fears and knowing when to accept and when to push can impact our quality of life.

 

 

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A Key To Success for Working Moms: Create All-In Partnerships

Since I became a mother 16 years ago, I have experienced the challenges of being a working mother. Also, as a coach and a friend I have watched others struggle as working mothers. Being a working mother is fraught with guilt, exhaustion and moments of intense satisfaction. Tiffany Dufu author of Drop the Ball: Achieving More by Doing Less has a fresh look at the dilemma and a useful guide for us to follow.  The premise of the book is that women cannot “have it all” if they continue to “do it all”. It reminds me of the story of Cinderella, when her evil stepmother tells her she can go to Unknown-1the ball if she gets her enormous and impossible list of tasks done first. She has been set up for failure and so have we. How can women truly advance in their careers with these kinds of expectations? Dufu has given this a lot of thought, spoken with a lot of successful women and has experimented with her theories. Thankfully, she shares her well-researched strategies with us in her book.

Dufu explains that one way women can do less, is by creating “All-in Partnerships” with her husband (or partner or family member, etc.). All-In Partnerships mean that both parents are running the home. If you think about all the times we are disadvantaged in our career due to our home responsibilities, we need to ask ourselves, do we need to be doing it all? How can we share the wealth? The more we share our home responsibilities, the more time we will have to devote to our career. OK, don’t roll your eyes, because according to Dufu, we are as much on the hook as our spouses in our journey to create an All-in Partnership.

How do we create an All-in Partnership?

  1. Let Go of Home Control Disease (HCD)

First, Dufu explains, women must let go of Home Control Disorder or “HCD”. Come on, you know what she is talking about, right? By being the boss at home, we are limiting our potential of being the boss at work. Dufu talks about how she provided her husband with pages of notes the first time she left her son with him when she went on a business trip. She talks about how she was guilty of HCD and being a maternal gatekeeper. She bought into society’s expectation that her way was the right way when it came to the home. After hitting rock bottom after having her second child, she realized things had to change.

  1. Delegate with Joy

We have learned that “women acting like men” in the workplace is not preferable as it denies the workplace the benefits of a different way of seeing and doing things. Dufu career coachingargues that men confront the same bias at home. They can contribute at home, but they are asked to act like women in that domain. Women may delegate to their husbands, but then they micromanage what they delegate. For instance, how many times have you reorganized the dishwasher after your husband has filled it? “One UK study showed that women spend three hours every week re-doing chores that they think their men have done “badly”. So much time would be freed up if the job was accepted as complete, even if it wasn’t accomplished the same way we would have done it.” Women are slow to share their power in the home—the area that women have historically governed. But the key to work/life success and satisfaction is sharing the control of the home with your partner. We need to assume that our spouses can handle delegation, are capable of learning something new (they are!) and we need to let go of our own perfectionist standards of running a home.

  1. Leverage the unique skills of our spouse on the homefront

Once Dufu started letting her husband do things his way, she discovered that sometimes his way turned out to better than her way (go figure!). One of my favorite stories Dufu shares is the Career coachtime her husband was in charge of finding a babysitter at the last minute. As Dufu explains, when looking for a babysitter, she typically would send one text at a time, waiting for a response before reaching out to another sitter. Her husband’s efficient strategy was different. He sent one text out to 10 potential babysitters and charged them with responding first to get the job. They had a babysitter within minutes. Brilliant!

  1. Drop the Ball!

Dufu discusses her efforts to create an All-In-Partnership with her husband. They literally sat down and created an excel spreadsheet with every single task that they do (which was eye opening in and of itself) and then they decided who would do what based on their strengths, interests and availability. (There favorite column was the “no one does it” column-but this is for another blog.) They continued to use this spreadsheet with modifications when her husband “commuted” from NY to Dubai for work. She tells a fabulous story of how her husband was in charge of dealing with any apartment-related problems. When Dufu noticed she had a leaky faucet before leaving for work one morning, she texted her husband who was in Dubai so he could fix it. Amazingly, when she returned home from work a new, ugly, yet working, faucet was in place! He had bought the faucet online and worked with the super to install it. OK, the faucet was ugly, but Dufu had “delegated with joy” and was able to focus on other things at work knowing the faucet would be taken care of. And her husband could contribute to the house even when far away. Now she smiles with pride when she passes the ugly faucet knowing that this is the perfect representation of dropping the ball. Done is better than perfect—“one person’s ‘done’ can be another person’s ‘perfect’”.

Dufu reminds us that we are not the only ones who can run a home. Our partners are more than capable. Patience and gratitude are great tools as we build our All-In Partnerships and watch our career success grow.

Interested in exploring more tools and strategies for career growth as a Working Mom? Contact me to set up an initial consultation.

 

 

 

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The Why and How of Being an Approachable Manager

Happiness and success on the job are greatly affected by our relationship with our manager. The ability to communicate issues with our manager, ask questions, make requests and know that he or she will do what they can to assist you can matter more than supposed company policies. I was curious to learn from actual managers what creative ideas they have developed to ensure an approachable and supportive relationship with their employees. I am amazed by the amount of forethought, creativity and effort many managers put into their role.

Why should you be an approachable manager?

Employees are comfortable asking questions: Mistakes can be made because an employee is afraid to ask an important question for feCareer coachar of looking foolish. An approachable manager can communicate to her team that there are no dumb questions as well as demonstrate with kindness, openness and, most importantly, a clear answer to questions asked by employees.

Mistakes can be caught and dealt with early: If an employee does make a mistake, an approachable manager can potentially minimize the size and scope of that mistake for the company if dealt with early and immediately. If an employee feels comfortable approaching her manager immediately, the manager can do what is necessary to limit the negative impact. Being approachable allows you to deal with something before it escalates. You cannot fix something you do not know is broken.

Learn what motivates employees: Being approachable allows you to understand what motivates and drives your employees. Inya Chehade, CEO of The Bridge says that understanding an employee’s motivation is critical as a manager and what motivates one person can be very different from what motivates another.

Promotes a creative environment: An approachable manager means employees are more comfortable being creative, suggesting different ideas and thinking outside the box. In our fast paced world, we do not have time to overthink.  Moving forward without fear can contribute to the success of an organization.

Most importantly, being approachable can ensure your head is not in the sand. Ignorance is bliss but is not in your best interest long term as a manager. Being approachable requires courage to face the truth and deal with it.

How can you be an approachable manager?

Get a (well-rounded) life…  and flaunt it: A balanced life allows you better perspective and increased confidence when things go wrong at work. Managers with a full life have perspective and often more confidence, which allows them to feel less threatened by questions and concerns from their employees. In addition, a manager with responsibilities and interests outside of work is more likely to support employees with their whole life and encourage balance for them as well.

Let Your People Go: As often happens with good managers, their employees achieve great success due to the positive and enriching environment they have provided. The conundrum of this is that your fantastic employee whom you have nurtured and mentored is now ready to move on up to a higher position outside your group. As hard as it is, you must set them free to share their skills. As Lori Schuldiner Schor, Social Welfare Program Manager for the Conference on Jewish Material Claims Against Germany noted, her support of employees within her group also motivates other staff members in knowing that she also has their back.

Spread the good news: Of course we know that you should document problems with an employee and keep HR informed. However, why can’t we keep HR informed of the good news as well?  Lori makes a habit of sending a compliment to an employee and copying Career coachHR so HR can put it in the employee’s file. Smiles all around!

Pay attention to your physical cues: You don’t need to walk around smiling, but you do need to be aware of how your stance and expression impact those around you. As Judy Summers, Director of the Montclair State University Red Hawk Math Learning Center notes, employees can be sensitive to the moods of their managers, so be aware of unintended messages you might be sending.

Meet Your Team: This could seem pretty obvious if your team is 10 people. But what if your team is almost 200? One successful manager shared that she took the time to meet with her almost 200 employees even though it took her six images-128months to do this. Several employees told her that they had never sat down and talked with a person at her level before. Meeting your team one-on-one can give you great insight into what is going on in the organization and help you identify problems before they start.

Request Feedback: Lori sends an email to her team every few months asking if they have the “resources they need to do their jobs and be able to feel satisfied.” These resources could be as small as a new headset to something more complicated like additional support for a project they are working on.

Say Thank you: As one manager states, “Thank your employees for their specific contributions and articulate how their work is contributing to achieving the team’s goals and the company’s visions. I get thank you notes for my thank you notes!”

Do you have thoughts about how to be an approachable manager due to your experience as an employee or a manager?  Please share! We can all learn from the creativity and experience of others. Also, I plan to write a blog about the challenges of being an approachable manager. I would love to hear your insights about this as well. As one of the managers mentioned, the mere exercise of thinking about her management habits allowed her to revisit her strategy and continue to improve upon it. Thinking about how we manage can enhance productivity and is worth our time and attention.

Interested in learning more?

 

 

Contact me to schedule a complimentary coaching session and/or subscribe to my mailing list


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10 Tips for an Awesome Summer- You Got This!

It’s June, time to think about your summer. Ever notice how Labor Day comes and you look back on your summer with regret—all the things you hoped to do did not happen. Let’s change that now! Get out your calendar and PLAN for the following activities. Make your summer count. Try new things, take advantage of the warm weather and longer days, enjoy the slower pace and create new traditions and memories. Go through the 10 suggestions below with an open heart and an adventurous spirit. Just Do It!

  1. Step out of character: the same way kids pretend to be someone else and “start fresh” at summer camp, we can have an opportunity to act out of character over the summer too. Mixing things up and acting out of character can teach you a lot about yourself and who knows what opportunities it can open up?
  • Do you prefer adventure? Take up gardening
  • Are you a homebody? Go campingcareer coaching
  • Are you always the boss? Be a participant and not a leader of an activity
  • Do you avoid attention? Sing karaoke….sober
  • Do you wear a lot of makeup? Go natural
  • Do you wear only tans and beiges? Add some color
  • Do you only consider it exercise if you’re pouring with sweat? Try restorative or yin yoga
  • Hate to sweat? Try a spin class or warm yoga
  • Are you impulsive and fast moving? Start writing in a journal and meditating
  • Do you overanalyze everything? Make a quick decision and take on the mantra “fail fast”
  1. Experiment with the plethora of fresh fruits and veggies summer has to offer and try some nutritious foods you usually overlook.
  2. Take advantage of the longer days to take a walk with your spouse, kids or friends at dusk and enjoy the companionship and cooler weather.
  3. Get dirty. Garden, walk around barefoot, paint, hike, bake. Do whatever you need Life coachto make a mess and enjoy it!
  4. Connect with old friends. Summer can make us sentimental. When feeling nostalgic, act on it rather than wallow in it. Call, email, text or even snail-mail an old friend. It is never too late.
  5. Find your inner athlete—even if you have to search really, really hard. Join a tennis clinic, play on your neighborhood softball team, run a 5k, hike a local trail, bike on vacation, participate in a master swim class, play Frisbee or kadima, do cartwheels, or just go back to #3 and walk
  6. Invite friends and neighbors over to grill. No need to set up a fancy table. Burgers, hotdogs and beer can be an easy way to entertain without the pressure. Paper plates and no cooking pans can make clean up a snap.
  7. Throw things out!! A cluttered house can feel even more claustrophobic in the heat. Spend a few moments every day or pick one day a week to clear out the clutter. As my husband tries to tell me “the garbage can be your friend”.
  8. Read a juicy book or watch a juicy show. Put away the non-fiction and the news and read or watch something that is pure bliss. A whodunit, romance, fantasy, whatever your preference, indulge!wellness coach
  9. Create a new family tradition. Game night, Friday night dinner with friends, put together a 1000 piece puzzle, have a ping pong tournament, take a trip to the beach, whatever you need to do to share something special and make it an ongoing memory.

So… what’s your plan? Share your priorities in the comments section, announce them to your friends, put them in INK into your calendar and make things happen. As Sheryl Sandberg says “YGT”—You Got This!

To learn more about my Summer Goals workshops or my 1-on-1 coaching, email me at  or visit my website.

 

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6 Reasons Freelancing Could be Right for You

According to Freelancersunion.org, “nearly one in three working Americans is an independent worker. That’s almost 54 million people – and growing.”  A freelancer is usually self-employed, offering a service based on a skill or expertise he or she can offer. Services include many fields: marketing, legal, writing, admin support, sales, translation, design, engineering, human resources, accountants/bookkeepers, customer service, and much more.

Freelancing allows for autonomy, flexibility and variety. Depending on your personality, life responsibilities, skills and interests, this career path could be very beneficial.  So the question is whether freelancing makes sense for you and then if it does, how to go about it.

Is Freelancing the right career path for you?

1.  Interested in dabbling in something new?

Many of my clients are considering switching to a new career. Before making this leap, freelancicareer coachng can allow you to try something new without having to commit. You can sign onto a project, give it a whirl and see how it goes. Seeing all the different freelance projects on the freelancing websites is a great way to get a sense of the different types of work that is out there and can help you focus in on an area.

2.  Thinking about re-entering the workforce?

Have you been out of the workforce for a while caring for kids or elderly parents or other reasons you needed to take some time off? You may not want to go back to what you were doing or may find it difficult to re-enter that career. Freelancing is a great way to experiment with new options and dip your toe back into the working world.

3.  Looking for part-time work that will keep you on course with your career?

It is hard to find intellectually stimulating part-time work. If you search for part-time jobs on Indeed.com, you will find that there are a lot of part-time jobs that do not require education or experience. If you want a job that allows you to stay on your career path, freelancing is sometimes your best bet. When looking for freelancing jobs you can sort these jobs by job titles from all professional areas and job levels, including mid-level jobs and senior level jobs. No need to take a step back in your career just so you can work part time.

4.  Filling time between jobs?

Are you having a hard job landing a job that meets your standards? Freelancing may be the perfect thing to do while you are conducting your job search. Getting out and working on jobs related to your career is a productive way to continue to contribute, develop skills and grow your network. It is beneficial to be able to talk about current work you are doing while you are at an interview. In addition, having project work can help you feel more confident during a job search since job searches can often erode confidence.

5.  Do you want a career with autonomy or flexibility?

Not everyone wants to go the traditional route of working in one job with a boss. Becoming a freelancer may feel empowering and freeing. Yes, there is work with keepinglife coaching your business running and definitely more unpredictability, but you will rarely be bored! With freelancing you can figure out what hours you want to work, how much work you want and who you like working for. If you want extended time off to travel, write a book, or other long-term projects, freelancing could provide you with that flexibility as well.

6.  Interested in trying a side hustle to determine if you want to start your own business?

Thinking about creating a marketing consultant company? Then why not do some marketing freelance projects first to see how it goes and potentially foster some future client relationships. In the same way freelancing can help you dabble in a new career, it can also help you determine if you want to start your own business and perhaps reduce your risk when you are ready to launch.

Challenges to Freelancing

Of course there are challenges to freelancing. First, you often have to provide your own health benefits.  In addition, there is less predictability and security in this route, which can be stressful if you have bills to pay.  Finally, you need to continue to market yourself and find work, rather than keeping a stable job; although the truth of the matter is that job security is much less common these days and we should all see ourselves as freelancers whether we are employed or not.

Freelancing Resources

Check out these websites to find freelancing opportunities:

  • Linked In Profinder
  • Guru.com
  • Freelancer.com
  • Upwork.com
  • Freelancersunion.org

There are even opportunities to freelance with your volunteer work. If you want to share your expertise (or develop your expertise) while helping a cause you care about, check out Catchafire.org

I hope this blog helped you see the different benefits and challenges of freelancing. If you are interested in talking more about your career and the possibilities of freelancing, please feel free to contact me and schedule an initial free consultation.

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How to Slow Down Time

I am 45 going on 46. I am at the start of midlife. This is the time many people start saying they wish they had a magic wand to slow things down, which I totally understand. Not only do I want to slow down my kids growing older, I want to slow everything down.

Fortunately, we do have a magic wand. We have the power to slow things down, and we all know this intellectually. Slowing down is hard because life pushes us along at a brisk pace. If we want to slow down, there are no short cuts. Being present in life is hard work and requires constant vigilance. I am going to share with you some ways I am learning to be more present so that I can savor this time.

Connect with your Teenager

Do you know who Murr, Joe, Sal and Q are? Well I do, and let me tell you, it is not something I would typically brag about. These are four best friends who have created a popular TV show called Impractical Jokers where they all have the best time embarrassing each other. My 13-year-old son loves this show and was completely insulted when I couldWellness Coaching not tell the four guys apart. Considering the fact that my son strung the most words together when discussing this show, I decided I better hop on the bandwagon. Now, when he watches the show, I watch it with him and savor the joy of watching him laugh until he cries. I have learned who all the characters are and can engage in somewhat “intelligent” conversations with him about it.

Connect with your Elders

I love being around people who are older. Not only does it make me feel young, but I am comforted knowing that they have insights to share. I know that they have been around the block and have experiences I have yet to have.

I will never forget the time my parents slept over when my kids were still little. My dad was reading a book to my son and my mom was reading a book to my daughter. Rather than surreptitiously skipping pages in the book in order to finish it faster so bedtime would arrive more quickly (as I was guilty of doing), they were slowing things down. They were life coachingmaking the bedtime story process take longer! It was astounding to me. My parents were living in an alternate universe where their sole purpose in life was to savor their grandchildren.

Earlier this week, my mother-in-law and 16-year-old daughter had a 15-minute conversation about The Odyssey and Macbeth. I had no idea my daughter could talk about literature with such depth. It took someone older who was savoring time with her granddaughter to create the environment for this sort of conversation. I saw what was possible if I slowed down.

Stop Rushing

My New Year’s Resolution for 2017 was to get over my desire to be exactly on time to things. I was like Goldilocks, I didn’t want to be too early and I didn’t want to be too late; I wanted to be exactly on time. Well as we all know, this goal is impossibLife Coachingle. My blood pressure was rising several times a day as I attempted to be exactly on time. Now, I have decided to leave 15 minutes earlier than necessary. For example, if it takes 15 minutes to get somewhere, I leave a half hour before I need to be there. I cannot tell you how much this has helped me. Often, I do encounter detours, construction, or other delays on the way, and I relax and listen to my music without panic. The less you have to rush in your life, the more you can slow down and enjoy the moment. When rushing, life is a blur. When taking your time, you can actually see the colors and details around you. You can BE in the moment. Which is a magical way to slow down time.

Connect with yourself

While I love Flywheel, I disagree their motto “Never Coast”. Ok, fine, during their 45-minute class you can “never coast” but please leave that motto at the door. Any productivity book you read (and I have read dozens) tells you to try to make your life easier. The more systems, rituals and habits you have in place, the easier it is for you to get the job done and Life Coachingthe more access you have to creativity and connection. Think about it, if you are riding a bike, when is the time when you can take in the beauty of your surroundings? When you are coasting of course. Otherwise you are pushing hard to get up hill or flying downhill. My question for those who are always pushing or flying is –what are you pushing your way to? What are you flying away from? What is wrong with coasting and being present?

So, you may ask, how do I slow down and connect with myself when life is so busy? Introduce these activities into your life—and do only the activity—no multitasking!

  • Take a bath
  • Do slow yoga
  • GardenLife Coaching
  • Take a walk
  • Learn to knit
  • Complete a puzzle
  • Meditate
  • Breathe
  • Dance
  • Color or Draw
  • Bake

Be a rebel. Throw off the fitbit for a nature walk. Watch stupid shows with your kids. Post about the awesome 200-piece puzzle you just completed. Let’s change the norm from busyness to presence. OK, gotta run (just kidding …).

2

No One’s Perfect

A couple of weeks ago I spilled coffee on my computer and had to migrate my data to a new computer. At the exact same time my website encountered some problems and I had to figure out how to recreate certain pages.  Needless to say,  I was just a bit freaked out by all of my technological bad luck. My sweet and patient (at least at that moment) 13 year old son attempted to talk me off a ledge as he watched my stress spiral to the next level.

The next morning my son innocently asked me if I help my clients with stress. I laughed at his question, as I understood his underlying concern. How could I, as a life coach, help my clients with stress when I myself can get irrationally overwhelmed on occasion? If I could not be 100% in control of my emotions, how could I profess to help others?

After this conversation with my son, I realized that I have had several conversations like this in my life. Once when I visited the dermatologist I had indicated on my patient information life coachingform that I was a yoga instructor. When I was nervous while the doctor removed three moles (that ended up being totally fine and I question his overzealousness in removing them), he asked without compassion ” you are a yoga instructor, shouldn’t you be able to calm your anxiety?” Ummm no, not necessarily… And then more recently a friend reminded me of the blog I wrote about body image when I was having a momentary body image crisis. The assumption being that I should be cured of all body image issues since I had written about my struggles.

The fact is I am a teacher and a student. I try to grow and learn every day, but I am far from perfect. I hope that I make that clear in my blogs that whatever I write about I am trying to figure out too. We are in this together.  Life is complicated and demanding and I am very life coachingmuch human.

I think our desire, or even expectation, for people to be perfect is a way for us to calm our own anxiety. A therapist should not have problems, a doctor should have perfect health habits, a teacher should know everything about his or her area of study, a mother should be loving and patient with her children and a father should be confident and unafraid. These labels and expectations are created to instill confidence but instead they demand a perfection that is detrimental to all of us.

As a coach, I am hoping to life coachinghelp people work towards their ideal self and create circumstances that are nutrient rich for their growth. Most of us are trying to learn, grow and improve. No one has everything figured out and if they pretend they do then they probably have bigger issues. As Albert Einstein said “The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know.”

The most I can guarantee you is that I am on a quest to know myself and to serve others in their quest to know themselves.  Life is full of mystery and wonder and we are all just travelling through it together, hoping to find our way.